Cabaret Songs: Be Prepared!
text by Bill Richardson

Oh woe! Oh me! Quelle tragedie!
I'm lost in love's dark woods!
Like Dante, this infante
Fears she's gone astray for good.
Oh gosh! Oh darn! I'll come to harm
I'm left with just the hope
My urge will bring some Virgil
Who can teach me how to cope.
But wait a tiny moment, then!
If longings must be sated
Why should I ask for Virgil
Who was superannuated?
Yes wait a little second, now!
If in love's woods I howl,
I'd rather a disciple of
The late Lord Baden Powell.
Oh please send me a boy scout
To show me what he's worth
A handsome lithe young boy scout
With his compass pointing north
A rosy cheeked strong woodsman
With blonde or chestnut hair
All pumped and primed to teach me
How to always be prepared.
And let him bring his primus stove,
And let him bring his cot
And let him bring his handy rope
And cunning way with knots
And matches, safe and waterproof,
So if we feels inspired
We'll find sufficient kindling
To sustain a night long fire.
I'll let him teach me semaphore,
I'll spell before we're through
I -- W and A and N and T
And -- Y- O - U.
He'll point out skunk and bear scat
He'll point out puma tracks
And I will earn my merit badges
Flat upon my back.
Whatever gods are up above
Don't let me go to waste!
I'm lost deep in the woods of love
Please send a scout post haste.

Copyright Bill Richardson, 2000, used by permission of the author